Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
