this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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