Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
whose ass print is on the piano?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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