Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
only if we run a train.
done.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
