Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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