I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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