Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
