Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
