when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
