ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
