God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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