I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How does one acquire holy water?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
