CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
