Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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