I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
