I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
