Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
