Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Drunk is not a location!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
