Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize