last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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