So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
