i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just invented taco cereal.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
