Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
