You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
