I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
