Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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