A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
