Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a search helicopter?!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
