Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
