i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
