I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sext me about skeletons
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
