we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
