Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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