THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
