I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He shit in the fireplace
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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