You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
