Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
