Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
