don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
