Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
