Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
