I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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