You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
