I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
