guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Church boner. Awkwardddd
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
