why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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