dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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