i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
