You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
