I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize