I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
