In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
