how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
