Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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