Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
