She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize