tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
