goodnight i made you a song goodbye
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize