I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
