yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
