I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
