Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've blown a few things in my day
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
