i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
