Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
