Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
