Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
