sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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