Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
