If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize