is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
