I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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