i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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