I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
