smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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