I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize