i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
