I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
