is your mom at the bar?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
