Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
