it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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