i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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