im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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