Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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