my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
