they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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