I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
