I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
