he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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