You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
