well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
