Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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