He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
