Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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