He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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