I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
