Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
