when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
