Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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