when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
