Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
