We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
