I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
