If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
