she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
