Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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