I need to stop coming to work sober
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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