I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize