What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
