i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
