then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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