Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
