Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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